LESSON 3
How To Become The Smartest Person In Any Room
(The 3 Patterns In Every Communication You SHOULD
Pay Attention To Like Your Life Depended On It!)
Let’s rejoin our story about the world class FBI kidnapping negotiator whose son had been kidnapped by Harvard’s top negotiation expert, in a high stakes negotiation scenario.
Let’s cut to the chase - who won?
If you said the FBI agent, you’re right!
But now the tougher question is - why?
Why was it possible for the FBI agent to outsmart Harvard’s top guy?
THE guy who trains corporations and government agencies throughout the world on negotiation got beaten within a few questions.
To understand why you need to know that in every communication there are 3 key patterns you want to pay attention to.
There’s what people say or the CONTENT of a person’s communication.
This is what most people focus on.
This is also what the Harvard professor did. The content is far less important than you realise when you are trying to influence someone’s behaviour.
There’s the STRUCTURE of what people say.
As students of NLP this includes not just the linguistic forms someone uses but the strategies and sub-modalities they use to think, feel and act.
This can be a gold mine to pay attention and tap in to when you are looking to influence others.
And finally STATE.
A person’s state reflects their emotional and physical demonstration of their internal and external processes.
When the Harvard Don threatened the FBI agent with:
“C’mon. Get me the money or I cut your son’s throat right now”
The agent did the opposite of what 99.9% of people do. He didn’t focus on the CONTENT, he went after the state first.
More on that in a moment.
Tracking and targeting STATE first is also exactly how Master Trainer Michael Breen teaches business practitioners to use the tools.
Watch this short video excerpt (taken from our “Business Breakthrough” course) where he clearly articulates the things that are more important than words themselves and the CORRECT SEQUENCE (2.56) in how to use them if you want become a top communicator and one of the smartest guys in the room.
Were you watching closely?
Because Michael DEMONSTRATES what he’s teaching. Don’t worry if you got caught up in the content.
To be upfront, this short excerpt doesn’t do justice to the kind of demonstrations that Michael is doing throughout the Business Breakthrough program.
Over the 20+ hours of the course Michael enriches the conscious teaching part of these concepts and many others with numerous demonstrations… plus, gets the attendees to start experimenting with this “State - Structure - Content” approach and how you can apply it to real-life business and work situations.)
Since this is just 6 minutes from the course, let me show you how they applied to our negotiation situation and why the agent won.
Applying Michael’s ‘STATE-STRUCTURE-CONTENT’ communication pattern to the real world:
Our Harvard kidnapper’s state is one of confidence and certainty that he’s got the upper hand, right?
Think about it - he’s got the FBI agent’s kid and structured this interaction so that the FBI agent is at a disadvantage.The content of his language is clear.
“Get me the money or I cut your son’s throat right now”
The agent responds brilliantly by saying:
“How am I supposed to do that?”
This isn’t what the kidnapper expected.
It creates mild confusion.
This evokes a STATE change which counteracts the kidnappers certainty.
So the semi-confused kidnapper responds:
“So you’re okay with me killing your son?”
The agent doesn’t address the kidnappers frame or threat directly.
Instead he responds:
“I’m sorry, how do I know he’s even alive?”
This introduces a STRUCTURAL problem that the kidnapper has to solve, if he wants his money. The FBI agent continues.
“I really am sorry, but how can I get you any money right now, much less one million dollars, if I don’t even know he’s alive?”
This de-stabilizes the kidnapper’s confidence and certainty that he’s the one in control of the situation.
But that’s not all – by presenting a logistical issue – it forces the Harvard kidnapper to shift his attention away from implementing his threat to fixating on how he can solve the FBI agent’s problem!
Game over for this high stakes battle of skills challenge.
The FBI agent outfoxed Harvard’s finest.
As Chris Voss, the FBI agent who recounts this excellent real life story in his book Never Split The Difference said:
“To every threat and demand he made, I continued to ask how I was supposed to pay him and how was I supposed to know that my son was alive.”
Before long the Harvard professor was stumped and gave up.
Remember anytime you communicate the most important tool you have is NOT the words you use, but your AWARENESS.
Sure words are important – very important at the right time – but they come 3rd in priority after you’ve first got a clear handle on the states you want to evoke and the structures you’ll use to create the IMPACT you want.
So next time you think about talking with someone, running a meeting or influencing another person think…
STATE -> STRUCTURE -> CONTENT
When you have equipped yourself with the right resources that Michael is teaching in Business Breakthrough you’ll see things differently.
And that will give you a true EDGE in life.
Stay tuned for our final lesson tomorrow and an important announcement.
To your success,
Tom
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