Failure.

A word that conjures up so many emotions and different meanings for so many people.

For some it's a dirty word. A shameful word. Something to be avoided at ALL costs.

For others it's a badge of honour. A failure is a thing of pride. It's the ONLY way to live. To keep pushing yourself so you surpass them.

So who's right?

Actually, neither AND both.

You see, failure is one of those trance words used in society that everyone has had experience with and most think they know what a person means when they hear someone else say the word.

Yet few realise that failure doesn't exist 'out there' - it's something created inside of us.

When we draw mental lines and create arbitrary distinctions, setting up agreements about how things must be in order to be successful, we create the opportunity for failure to occur.

If the distinctions or criteria don't come to pass, we notice the shortcomings and call that 'failure.'

Never realising that the failure was a shared agreement that we or someone else made up. An agreement that says if this and this occur, we've been 'successful' and if they don't then it was a 'failure.'

That kind of black and white thinking for most people tends to negatively impact their performance over time.

For some, just a couple of 'failures' is enough for them to stop trying altogether.

If they experience a few more, often the image they hold of themselves becomes smaller. The story they tell themselves about themselves changes for the worse.

Many become mentally paralysed, terrified to try something new or different.

The word failure moves from a concept 'out there' to an internalised embodied description about themselves, expressed in the form:

"I am a failure."

From there things can go really toxic.

The one thought pattern that never crosses their mind is...

... failure is something they or someone else in their environment made up and they attached importance to it.

Now, don't get me wrong: there are some things that really are important and for which each of us wants to experience 'success'.

Things like having good health, perhaps great friendships, family and meaningful work.

In short, the feeling of being REALLY alive is what most people are really yearning for.

But having and experiencing all of those things and many more involves doing things, taking risks and letting go of a lot of crappy, made-up stuff - our stories.

The attitude you have towards risk, failure and action has a profound impact on what you'll do, won't do and what you will try.

So if you over-identify with failure in any area of your life... jump back to earlier in your thought process... and realise failure is a made-up word.

It's a mental construct.

Next, take the heaviness out of the word failure.

It's YOU who ultimately put the weight and meaning on the word. No one else did.

Yes, maybe you had lots of effective programming when you were young or perhaps you experienced a time or event where things didn't go the way you wanted and it was a particularly sore point for you.

Whatever the story or process you went through, it's time to WAKE up. Become response-able.

To take control.

To inject choice, where previously you thought there was none.

Rather than think failure = death (it almost never does.)

or failure = shame or failure = rejection

(or whatever idea you hold if it's unhelpful to you)

Remind yourself what every successful AND happy person knows...

Failure is feedback. It's temporary.

Failure means you've just learned something! (If you stay aware enough to discover the message.)

Failure can be energising.

It can be a tool that you use to drive yourself forward to do new things and in the process fail your way to success.

(Which is often how the creative process works. You try things, they don't work the first time, second or third etc., you learn from it. You refine, you improve, you try again and over time you make it.)

So frak failure as an idea that holds you back.

And start to embrace the idea that failure is your friend.

Used well, it can be a guiding hand toward true success.

It can even be your secret weapon.

The advantage you bring to every endeavour you do.

The strength that makes you remarkable.

Like it did for Robert De Niro and Steve Jobs.

Here are two great talks to enjoy.

First up we have...

Robert De Niro's - Great Graduation Speech to NYU Tisch School of the Arts Students

This one is both funny and full of useful strategies to keep moving forward.

Next enjoy a rare look into the mind of a guy who used failure as a tool to create remarkable things - Steve Jobs.

Jony Ive's Tribute Speech To Steve Jobs

As you watch, pay attention to the many gems of wisdom and attitude Steve and Robert both display.

Notice how failure, rejection and fear didn't hold them back...

It spurred them on.

Like it can for you too, if you let it.

Live boldly.